Hi everybody..
I haven't blogged in a few weeks due to the fact that life has seemed to get so busy and unpredictable lately. I have now hit the pregnancy halfway mark and am now 21 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It has felt like so much of accomplishment when for most women it is just another week of pregnancy. I have had so many unreal health issues with this pregnancy that it has start to become something I expect. I just got two crowns done on my teeth last Friday and am still in pain but if they weren't done it could cause premature labor and further problems for my teeth. I am eating more, thank goodness, and finally putting on some weight that I was losing when I was so sick but now my mouth and teeth are the biggest issue. Let's just say I can not wait to have my daughter so life can go back to normal again.
It has been extremely hard for me to hear from doctors that I shouldn't work and just focus on my baby becuase money has been a huge issue lately. I have always worked and had my own income and felt very independent on that level so not being able to contribute to the bills and family needs is taking toll on me in more then one way. It is hard for me to know that every first of the month we are going to have a negative balance because no matter how cheap we spend we are still going to have no money. Lately that has been my biggest challenge and not having money plus the unwanted or needed stress of just knowing there is only so much I can do to help has been hard.
Another thing that has been weighing on my mind is my son Aiden's birthday is this month, September 12th, he will be 2 years old. My little man will be 2. It still to this day breaks my heart that I don't get to see that big bright smile on his birthday and at this point here him say " I love you mommy." I sent him his usual birthday card from me and can't wait until next year to send him another one. The highlight of September for me is I get to pick out his birthday card, I literally spend a good hour everytime trying to find the perfect card, just for him. I really hope he has the best 2nd birthday a little boy could ask for, he deserves it.
Despite all the things that I am constintenly thinking about and stressing over I do have some exciting things coming up in my life. My little princess will be born in a good four months, I can't wait to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her. We are moving to on post housing in a couple months if all goes through, where it is free to live and our bills will be cut in half and then finally we might be able to live stress free. I am going on a vacation to visit friends and family in California for a few weeks whenever all these crazy doctors appointments are over with. I get to decorate and get my nursery all set up and ready for little Isabella. All of these things are what are keeping me going right now and staying as positive as possible.
God has been taking me on a roller coaster ride these last few months and I have been all over the place with how my emotions are and if I'm enjoying this ride. However, I know he has a reason to be putting me through all this and to be bringing me out okay everytime. If he didn't think I was strong enough he wouldn't put me through all of this everyday. I have complete faith that he is going to take me to amazing places, I know he is just waiting for me to let go and let him take the wheel. It's time to let God take my wheel.
